Toods4real's Blog

Well, well. Can’t remember the last time a posted soemthing but a sure lot has happened since then than would take way too long to recall and would be to dramatic to tell in full detail! Mostly, school, work, car troubles, liking this boy, and trying to keep sane. It’s all good though. I just sometimes have this thing called: fear of failure. But god is good and I know that He will see me through this to the very end. And it helps so much to stay connected and talk to other people in the program and then I realize I am not crazy. Slash that. It is rather that: we are all crazy!

Tonight after working 9 hours at the psych ward called Huron Woods, I am going to study and tomorrow I have my best friend in the whole wide worlds wedding showwwa!! Woohoo! I cannot wait to c her!!! I think I will spend the night over there too! I havent seen her in ages and we have so much catching up to do. Sometimes life just slips thru the cracks! I love the quote “Life is what happens while you are making plans” That will be my next tattoo! lol J/K It would be an elephant and I don’t have a tattoo!

Well, back to study for this hard workin girl. What a beuatiful day I might add. Why did the weather say that it was going to snow tonight??? The sun is shining and the birds chirpin WTF??

oh, and I thought that picture was really funny so I posted it. Pretty much self explanatory i think.

Toodleuu-u!!!

It’s been a while since I last wrote a post. This is for many reasons. 1) My hair is falling out from all the stess of nursing school. It is insane all the bust work they expect you to complete- absolute insanity! -for real. 2) My car borke down (this tipped me to the deep end) talk about nervous breakdown. HOWEVER- there is always a but (or butt- haha!) God seriously guided me through it. I also am trying to realize that God’s grace is always there and we do not have to try for it. Al we gots to do is accept it. Accept the free gift of salvation. Now THAT is pretty crazy! Our world is the COMPLETE opposite if you think about it. I mean I am in nursing school and it is like SOOOOOO competitive. Especially with the people i my program. It is so much pressure to look good, perform well (in skills lab, etc.), stay ‘cool’ under the pressure and act/pretend to know what the f you are doing. Also, getting a job I hear is more tough. I am not ‘worrying’ about it cuz that’s a sin but I am trying to prepare as much as I can while not getting anxious. Lord, I realize how utterly dependent and helpless I am with out you. Sometimes all we need to realize is this: we are NOT God.  It is actually kind of a relief. I am not God (thank God).

Lord, even through this stress and pulling teeth (at the library all day and getting yelled at by the librarians for EVERYTHING it seems) help me to do this.

In Jesus name,

Elin

It’s been too long since I have last wrote but better now than never!

Today is the epiphany, or in the Western tradition, the days the wisemen brought gifts to Christ and He was first recognized as King! What gifts can I bring to the Lord today with the limited time/resources/energy that I have. The widows offering of a few pennies was worth more to Him than the pharisee’s riches, Amen? It is about the heart and the need. In giving, we acknowledge our need to Him and our TOTAL reliance and dependence upon Him. Also, He promises to bless us in return.

Blessed are the meek and the poor in Spirit for they shall be comforted…

Lord God, thank you for all you have given me and continue to do in my life everyday. Help me to give of all that I have- time, a smile, a kind word, BECAUSE of what You have done for me- gave your life, spared nothing for our lives! The least we can do is give the rags that we have to Him, if He will accept them. Lord You are the Christ and King. Reign in my life!!

Getting to nursing school, I started my peds clinical yesterday at UofM hospital after taking their 12hr. computer training course just to be there!!! It was torture!! I had to lock myself in my room and listen to a computer voice and read a bunch of BORING powerpoint on conflict of interests and computer charting. I am such a “hands-on” learner that it made it particularly difficult. I am nervous to work in peds becasue there will be a lot of chronically sick kids. Lord, have mercy on me in this. Guide my words and my dealing with the staff, kids, and kid’s parents! It must be so hard for them to see their children suffering like that.

Today I start the second round of adult med/surg clinicals, also at UofM hospital. I will be working on the oncology floor. I heard my nursnign instructor is really awesome and helpful (I will meet her today at the nursing school). 20 credits this semester, Oh Boy!! Cancer should be interested but also very emotionally demanding. Lord, help me again to deal tactifully and sensitively with all people on the unit and my fellow classmates. Give me a clear mind to work and practice what we are learning in the classroom.

Here we go!!!!!……..

This is probable my last post for this 1st nursing semester. I finished my last clinical at the VA hospital and it was all in all very bittersweet. I felt like crying, I don’t know why. I guess I feel that life goes by so fast and is a vapor (the psalms). Lord, sustain me throughout this year and help me to care deeply and passionetly about what I do. So many things in life demand all of us. This is how God would have it because He wants ALL of us, not just part. Easier said than done, right?

But, for real though. Throughout clinical, it is so easy to take the ‘easy’ way out. You can just zip through charting and not actually care at all or just do things the easyiest way possible (yeah, i do this sometimes). Not that I am not checking on my patient and making sure they are safe, etc, etc. I mean that it is possible for one to ‘go through all the motions’ and actually not care at all. Lord, help me to care and to do my best in all things. Also, help me to stay balanced in all aread of my life. Some may look at acedemia as an ends in itself. This is so dumb and not to mention, unfulfilling. Lord, help me to dive into the marrow of the issue and person and circumstance and not just get ‘skin deep’. This is so easy-apathy. Lord, protect me against it. This life is short, too short to waste it, not care, and not be genuinely interested and invested in others welfare (not just one’s own).

I didn’t know I would get this deep but here I am again, when left to my own devices;) Lord, help me to forgive myself and others also when they or I do not measure up to one;s standards. After all, we have all fallen short and our ONLY hope is in the precious blood of Jesus!!

I love you Lord!

So, it has been a while since my last post but with soem encouragement, here we go!

It is way too early for me to be up- not even 6am yet! I have lecture today all day and then tutoring in Detroit which is the highlight of my week. Last week my student Julia was waiting on the sidewalk trying to look in our bus as we passed by. It made my day:)

I am kind of glad that Halloween is over too because people make way too big a deal out of this holiday. I cannot stand all the festivities sometimes. I was a Christmas tree with battery operated lgihts that lit up. It was fun b/c my friend, Emily, from school, and I went downtown and had acouple too many and now there are a bunch of random pictures posted on fb that are hilarious.

Also this week is our last week of lecture for this semester woo hoo!!! I am so happy that I have almost made it. It has been really challenging and engaging and i have loved every minute of it so far. I hear that it only gets more intense form here on out. Nurses have to deal with so much more than plugging in IV’s and passing meds. The hardest part for me as a nurse will be dealing with question from patients about why they are sick or suffering. It’s hard to think about because there are so many questions that I don’t knwo how to answer becasue I don’t know the answerrs myself. When God called me into this profession, i definelty did not know how emotionally and mentally demanding this job would be! Granted soem days will be extremely boring, like i had two weeks ago at the VA hosptial when one of my patients (my only patient b/c we are still ‘student nurses’) refused care and then I had nothing to do all day! I just had to stand around and look busy (which I am pretty good at). I ended up drinking way too much coffee and got to flirting with a couple af cute residents about one man’s abundent salt intake.

I will relly miss ‘working ‘ at the VA (this is our last week of clincals there). Change is really hard for me, especially when you have nonded with your group and formed relationships with people. Our instructor Irene is this little Asian woman who is always cracking jokes and telling you “every nursing action you make, pretend that you will have to back up in court someday’).  It really is flying by!

It is officially Novemeber now! It sure feels like it! My nephew is getting so big! I saw him at church yesterday and he keeps getting cuter (i didn’t think this was possible). He has the pudgiest cheeks and legs and I was sqeezign them. This week will be hectic but good. As long as I stay busy (and productive) I am good.

I have to remember my mom’s bday on the 3rd and it is also my brothers anneversary of his death. I can;t belive that it was so long ago.

Well, I am off to work out now and then get ready and go to class! Real exciting!!! hah

Thanks for reading

O Lord,
give us a mind
that is humble, quiet, peaceable,
patient and charitable,
and a taste of your Holy Spirit
in all our thoughts, words, and deeds.

I have called you friends.
–John 15:15

Lord Jesus Christ,
while on earth you had close and devoted friends,
such as John. Lazarus, Martha and Mary.
You showed in this way that friendship
is one of life’s great blessings.

Thank you for the friends that you have given me
to love me in spite of my failures and weaknesses,
and to enrich my life after your example.
Let me ever behave toward them
as you behaved toward your friends.

Bind us close together in you and enable us
to help one another on our earthly journey.

Amen.

Lord,
Teach me your way of treating others -
sinners, children, Pharisees,
Pilates and Herods,
and also John the Baptists.
Teach me your way of eating and drinking,
how to act when I’m tired from work
and need rest.
Teach me compassion
for the suffering,the poor, the blind, and the lame.
You who shed tears,
show me how to live my deepest emotions.
Above all, I want to learn
how you endured your Cross.
Teach me your way of looking at people:
the way you glanced at Peter after his denial,
the way you touched the heart of the rich young man
and the hearts of your disciples.
I would like to meet you as you really are,
since you change those who really know you.
If only I could hear you speak
as when you spoke
in the synagogue of Capernaum
or on the Mount of Beatitudes!

Give me grace to live my life,
within and without,
the way you lived your life,
O Lord.

So glad that I made it thorough this past week! Now it is Sunday; the weekend is over;( but life marches on.

Last week we had our first nurisng exam, on IV, wounds, PV, cardio, and lungs and thorax and nursing assesment and diagnosis (dx). It was alot. I passed and even got an A. woohooo! Then, we had a skills assesment on the “sim man” counting his respirations, pulse, lung sounds, heart sounds, and PV circulation. We had to do inspection, palpation, and auscultation on all the 3 systems. I wasn’t sure if I would remember everything! I can’t even remeber to change my underwear, let alone all of that (ewww, tmi, sry.)! Then there was lab with our paper, care plan and concept map was due. We also hae our first case study due tomorrow, which I had to do last week with my group.

Oh my word,  I was getting soooo frustrated with them. As you know, nurses can be “control freaks” and they are mostly women. That is all I have to say. To be honest it was all this one girl who kept talking over everyone else and was obsesssing over EVERY little detail of the project. I wanted to shout “THIS is not rocket science!!” It is an “exercise” of how to make a care plan. It seriously didn’t need to be as complicated as we made it. I really really hope that I am in a diffrent group next time becasue I was roasting.

This weekend was great! Thursday night I went out to Arbor brewery with a bunch of classmates. I got a dark beer but it was so rich; i couldn’t finish it. I think I may be startign to like beer a little bit, not that much though. Then we went out to this bar in Novei, called like the library pub, or something like that. THere was live music.

The next day, on Firday, there was a career fair and it was frustarting becasue they were not going to let me in because i was not in “business attire”. One lady was like “well, it is up to you (sarcastic tone)” When I went in, I didnt feel uncomforatble AT ALL. I was still in nice long balck wool pants and a button down. WOW, it is so ridiculous how some people try to make some thigns a bigger deal than they actually are. I kind of just feel sorry for them. Any ways! At this career fair I had a pivital moment!! I met a NAVY recruiter who was awesome!!! He told me about this program, through the NAVY reserves where, you give them your acceptance letter, into a CRNA school, and they give you 50G’s for the CRNA program and obviously you would be working for them on and off while going to school!!!!!!!!

However, the problem now is that it is SOOO hard to get into an ICU straight out of nursing school (1 yr. ICU experience is req. for CRNA school acceptance). The demand is just too high and the job numbers too low. Plus, many RNs are wanting to do CRNA school becasue it is such a great program. HOWEVER, God works in mysterious ways. I also went to a monastery retreat this weekend in Rives Junction. It was absolutely beautiful. It was Romanian and there were a bunch of nuns, chickens, icons, and a garden!

To the point of the story, becasue there is too much to say about the conferance (all i can say is that God wanted me to go there this weekend- thank you Stephanie for inviting me!) I met two CRNA’s at the conferance becasue the title of it was “Women: in the healing ministry”. I asked them question about how to get into a CRNA school and they told me that I should take the ACLS course and work as a nurse tech in an ICU to be abel to get a job! Not alot of people think about taking the ACLS course, so this was good to know. And, since I already work at a hospital, I dont need to reapply, just for an internal transfer! In Febr. I will try to get a job as a nurse tech in an ICU, I just need to constantly scan the hosptial website for positions available. Praise GOD! May he establish the works of our hands!

Then it was church today, printing at the library, and grocery shopping at Meijers. It is so expesive to buy lunch everyday so I was gald that i could go shopping, so I can just pack a lunch for the week. Tonight I have to finish a concept map and care plan by 12, and maybe I will go to an orthodox meeting tonight, but not sure yet.

Yay! Tomorrow all I have is class and then tutoring!! I am tutoring two 8th grade girls from Detroit. They need help in math for the MEAP. It is sad how all they seem to be learning is school is how to take the MEAP. I hope I can help them with math and also in life, school, and just to be there. It is Ashley and Ciomara.

Back to work! No rest for the wicked, hehe

Ok,

I realize that I need more readers but, I am a little sloooooow, so whatevs.

Today was grand! Church with the fam and my nephews baptism, Webers with the fam, and then Best buy with my pops for the new ereader. Although Best buy was all out so now I am reseaching the best type. There’s kindle (amazon), sony, and nook (barnes and noble). I need the best one for school and nursing.  I figured that I would research that tomorrow after the weight is off my back about this huge impending exam tomorrow morning about all the stuff we have learned so far. Eeeek!

xoxo wish me luck!

p.s. Thank you God for this glorious day!

God is good. It’s sometimes hard to see it though. I get so wrapped up in my little tasks for the day that I forget to thank God for everything he had done for me and has protected me from thruout the day.! Whoooo! Yeah, it was a busy day though.

Cant forget to talk about: airforce, Alaska, this conference, bday, tests

I started off the day waking up a littel late. You see I have this bad habit (i think i have trained myself to do it) of sleeping throug my alarm clock or possible turning it off while I sleep (i use my phone as an alarm). Anywho, luckily I had set the coffee pot to brew so it was already made. I realized that it would be too late to take the bus to classes and parking would be a nighmare so i did what any logical person would do- i rode a bike with no brakes and with jiggly wheels all the way to class. When I made it to class, sweating and panting, I opened up my lunch, to grab an apple, and to my surprise, the whole contents of my perfectly packaged bean salad had spilled everywhere! Bean juice was dripping out of the bag onto my desk. So, I grabbed some paper towel and shoved the bag into the student lounge fridge and made it back to class with a couple minutes to spare. Disaster diverged! Yes!

8 hour lecture is all I have to say next! So boooooring. I know it is important stuff and that I should have been paying real close attention but my back side hurt so bad!! My legs were also pooling with blood. Ironically, no joke, one of the topics of discussion was ‘venous stasis’. I guess i “learned” more than i thought;)

So next after lecture was a meeting on CRNA. A BUNCH of people went to it and it was also really boring and told me nothing informative or anythign that I didnt know about the profession already. I mean, alot of people go into that field for the $ and that is nice but, I actually love the job! I got to job shadow this summer in Neurosurg and i felt like it was my calling. I hope that I can afford school when the time comes and that it wont have gotten too competitive.

Speaking of $ and paying for school, an idea i have been tossing around is joining the airforce. It would be through something called the COT program. It is geared especially towards job specific careers like docs, nurses, lawyers, etc. I ‘heard’ that there was a big signing bonus and that they would pay off all your student loans IF you work for them a certain # of years. From then on you can either get out OR the airforce would pay for one’s further education (i.e. CRNA school). It sounds like a really amazing thing I just need lots more info! I am really putting alot of thought into this! I need help making that decision! Also, I don’t need to make the decision until about 1 year from now. Although, I figure that it is a great oppurtunity. I mean, I have a bunch of loans, I will need a job when I get out (why not be working for the airforce, since i will be working anywayz), i am not married, don’t have kids, I basically have no ties to naythign at this point. Plus, I really wouldnt want to live by myself here in MI just working at the hospital. I need some type of adventure. I am jsut worried that I might hate it or not get along with the other people in the program and then I will be comepletly stuck. Decisions, decisions!

 I also think it would be the COOLEST to live in Alaska and be a nurse there! I hear that when you join the airforce, you get your top 5 picks of where you would like them to send you. Alaska would be my #1!

This weekend will consist of studying, 5k in Brighton with Marjie, my bday and Ezra’s baptism on Sunday and studying for our first nursing exam on Monday!

Next weekend I am especially thrilled about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will be attending a retreat for “Orthodox Women in the Health Field”! My good friend invited me and it sounds amazing!

That was alot and I still have lots to do! Bye blog!

Its been a pretty good day so far! Went to church and Sunday school and then out to eat with my mom and her bf. Then I went on an hour long bike ride downtown A2. It was a test run for the ride tomorrow for class. It was kind of scary though becasue the brakes dont work very well! And the gears keep shifting back and forth really bad:[ I think it is still ridable though. It just makes it more of an adventure. The day before I hooked up a crate on the back of it (to carry my books and stuff) so it should be good:) i hope!

Well, I will study now. Things this week that will be fun: clinical, tutoring (next Monday), seeing Rachel this Friday, seeing Ezra (my nephew), running a 5k this Saturday (that I better start training for!) and my bday on Sunday! yay! woow, I feel kind of old though at the same time (24!). I know that some of you out there might say "oh that is so young and man, i wish i was that age again" But that is all subjective. I mean, for me, it is hard to view things in the big picture and to view that as "young".

Last thoughts and future thigns to blog about: ideas about the airforce, Alaska.

i love elephants too!